Friday, May 18, 2007

Bon Voyage

I wake up on a Sunday morning, turn on the TV and there's a girl dressed up in geeky clothes telling a big man that she wants to go to Fez. That was six years ago. There is no way I would have known that this particular moment would affect me and change my life forever. I couldn't possibly have imagined that it wasn't just another scene from just another tv show I'd end up forgetting. It was Gilmore Girls. And it did change my life. It did affect me. It wasn't just another tv show. It was Gilmore Girls.
Six years ago I couldn't have known that on May 18th, 2007, I would be crying in front of the computer after watching the last Gilmore Girls episode ever. I couldn't possibly understand the effect that the words 'last Gilmore Girls episode ever' would have on me. Maybe I would have laughed if someone told me I would feel empty and like someone I love died when Gilmore Girls ended.
And now it's over. I couldn't explain the feeling I had when I finally realized what it meant. The feeling I have now that I watched the last episode is even worse and more unexplainable. No more new episodes. No more witty dialogues. No more Friday Night Dinners. No more perfect songs playing on a perfect moment. No more Lorelai Gilmore. No more Gilmore Girls. It hurts me so much, too much. The best way of explaining how I feel is to say I'm empty and incomplete. But even that explanation is empty and incomplete.
And I know it was time to end. I know it wasn't the same anymore. I wanted it to be over, it was time. I kept blaming whoever for screwing up the show. And now it is over. And I realize I could keep watching Gilmore Girls until the day I die, even if it weren't great. And I realize I wasn't ready for it's end. And I no longer want to blame anyone for this.
Gilmore Girls means more to me than any other tv show ever will. I was 12 when I started watching it. I'm almost 18 now. I grew up with it. I watched those characters grow up. It's a part of my life, a huge part of my life, I can't remember what it was like not having Gilmore Girls in my life. I think it would be actually weird if it didn't affect me this much. And I wanted to say something touching and... I don't know, something. But I can't think nor talk now. I can only feel. And I don't want to say goodbye. It's too soon.

I hope after these six perfect years I have in me at least a little bit of all the perfect Gilmore Girls' characters I so love and can't live without. That would make me happy.

I try to say goodbye and I choke
I try to walk away and I stumble
Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

Because I don't know how to say goodbye to you, my Gilmore Girls.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Failure to communicate

...when we're together.