Sunday, February 25, 2007

Written in the stars

It's been one year. Today. Too much happens in one year. Too much changes in one year. Well, life changes in one year, and life is way too much. 365 days ago I was scared. Was I making the right decision? My God, that would affect not just my life but other people's also. I didn't mind screwing my own life up but I'd never forgive myself if I ended up ruining someone else's life. "It's just a ride", the song kept saying. Was it? This simple ride lasted for one year already. But it doesn't feel like one year. Sometimes it feels like two months. Sometimes it feels like forever. Too hard to decide. Uh, decisions. I hate decisions. But I hate it when someone decides something for me. Though no one has done that lately. I wanna be 9 again. No, I hated being 9. I wanna be 8. I don't want anything actually. Everything is perfect now. Because of this one year. So I did read the right stars. Flashbacks to a long gone night now. I love flashbacks. Even the sad ones cause I like to remember things from the past. One year ago is considered past. So is yesterday. But not the same past. One year ago is a scary past. Everything was a mess. My room was a mess. Well, it still is a mess but an organized mess. The word 'mess' lost it's meaning now. And it's a different room now. I liked the other room. No, I loved it. It knew more about me than anyone else. That room is what I miss the most of my one-year-ago life. The walls. My name written on that corner. Funny flaskbacks, smile on my face. And the notebook. Just the two of us up all night. It never told me anything about itself. Told me a lot about me though. I miss that notebook inside that room. One year ago. Yeah, too much happens in one year. People happen in one year. Places too. I forgot some of them, both people and places. Or maybe I refuse to remember them to protect myself, I don't know. And I don't want to know. All I know is that one year ago I was in my room writing. And now I'm in my room writing. So yeah, too much changes in one year but too much just stays the same. And I hold on to that. But I did read the right stars. Silly me for doubting that.