Saturday, October 14, 2006

Say Something

Dialogue [which can almost be seen as a monologue on this particular case but who cares?]:

Me, to my friend: “You love him”.
My friend to me: “No, I hate him”.
Me again: “Yeah but... you see, love and hate aren’t opposites, you know... Love and indifference are opposites, and hate and indifference are opposites as well but love and hate are actually pretty similar, specially cause they’re opposites to the same thing. I mean... Look, love is like when you couldn’t possibly care more for someone, agree? And indifference means that you couldn’t care less. So they’re opposites. Hate consists on not being able to stand someone, which automatically leads to caring way too much. Not a good kind of caring, but still, caring, which makes it the opposite of indifference as well. So if both love and hate are opposite to the same thing it’s impossible for them to be opposite to each other, right? But of course you can’t say that they’re the exact same thing, cause there’s this difference with the types of caring after all. Hmm... love and hate are like... opposite synonyms. That’s it. Opposite synonyms is the right definition to what they are. And that means you can feel both at the same time”.

Okay, now here’s how it really was:

Me, to my friend: “You love him”.
My friend to me: “No, I hate him”.
Me again: “Yeah but... [three-second pause] okay”.

Amazing how our brain works fast, huh?

Title from Gilmore Girls. Yeah, again. What, it’s not my fault if it’s the best TV show ever!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Chicken or beef?

She wasn't happy. She had a permanent mask on. She was depressed and lonely. She was always mad and never allowed herself to be true to herself. She never talked about her feelings, no matter what kind of feeling it was. If she didn't write she would die. If she died she wouldn't really care. She had no good friends, she wouldn't let anyone in. She didn't feel comfortable talking to people. She never smiled. She was always thinking about her dead grandmother, it'd be weird if she smiled. She always locked herself in her room to cry, then ran to the bathroom to clean her face. It never worked. She never told the guy she loved that she loved him. When she was gone he was gone too. Now I wouldn't mind having him around but she's back when it comes to him cause she was too connected to him and she didn't give me the right to have that connection. I buried her but she wanted that connection to be buried with her and I couldn't say no to that. She was dying, for God's sake! She was too shy, more than I am. She would probably call me crazy now. I call myself crazy. The essence is not supposed to change! She knew it and that's what kept her alive. But I changed my essence! My essence was her. I forgot her. I wanted to be away from her. I wanted her to be away from me. I moved and thought I could get rid of her. But she followed me, it's like she's trying to haunt me. To scare me. But it doesn't work cause I know her. I know how she works, I know her better than anyone. I know what gets to her. I know how to destroy her. But then she whispers, "Well, smartie, I know how to get to you too. I also know how to destroy you". And she really does. She's the only one who really knows me, deep down. She was me, and later I was her. We know each other. She's my past. But I don't want her to be my past. I need to be my own past. But she has it. My past is in her hands. And her future is in mine. But she doesn't care about her future, she never did. And I care about my past. I want my past. But I can't have it cause if my past isn't hers then I don't have a present. I'll never get all three things. Unless... No. That's crazy. She wouldn't agree. Or would she? I know her... so yeah, I know what she'd say. "What will they think?" Then I'd tell her they'd say we're complete. And that would convince her. And me, cause I think I'm the one who doesn't want it. She did hurt me after all. But if we both agree then there's a solution. We become friends, so none of us would have to disappear. I won't be her and she won't be me. We'll be both at the same time. We won't be separate. We never really were and she knew it. Maybe I knew it too, I just didn't wanna believe that. But now I do cause she convinced me today. We are one and none of us has to be picked. We're chicken and beef. Not or.

The title is from Gilmore Girls, the most perfect tv show ever.
The one who's to blame for this post is Natalie Imbruglia because of her song, Honeycomb child.

Sunday, July 02, 2006

The hero dies in this one

First thing: no Nickelback yet. What can I do if our team, our pride, is out of the World Cup? Yes, this post will be about it. Someone [Keli] asked me to write about it. I'm surprised I even have readers here, if one of them asks me to write on some subject of course I'm gonna do it! Uh, and don't keep thinking that my post on Nickelback will be good just because I keep talking about it otherwize you're gonna get really disappointed ¬¬

So here we go.

I hated it when it was certain that Brazil would have to play against France bacause I knew this match would be "our chance of revenge, our pay back". Every match Brazil and Uruguay played for the last 56 years has been our revenge, for God's sake! We've won almost it all but people just won't let it go. 1950 has been our nightmare. Until yesterday.

Of course France is now our new Uruguay, specially because we didn't get to pay back. We lost. Yeah, that was frustrating. I didn't cry, I didn't get angry at first. I got disappoited. I had never seen Brazil not get to the final so I didn't know what it was like. I mean, I don't remember what happened in 1990 because I was almost one year old and obviously I didn't love soccer back then ¬¬
I bacame a "são paulina" when I was two so in 94 I was already connected to soccer somehow. But let's leave it to my book of memories ¬¬

The thing is brazilian people need the World Cup. Not all of us, of course, but we get to be proud of our nation and it's something we keep preparing ourselves for during four years. We have a lot more to be proud of but it's easier to just be the best soccer team ever, specially knowing that nobody can question that.

Our country completely stopped to see our hero out there and the hero died. Our hero died. The hero never ever dies and this time it was like he didn't even tried to win. There was no struggling, no persistence, no nothing. You know when you watch a film and the hero is on a very complicated situation and you start getting nervous and worried and someone tells you to calm down because "the hero never dies"? Yeah, well... I guess fiction is a little more optimistic then reality after all.

Title from One Tree Hill. It's the third time I use an OTH episode title here and I don't even watch it...
But it was just perfect for the post, agree?

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

You think you know somebody

Before I get started I should warn you reader that you probably won’t get a thing about this post because I won’t be specific. This post should be about Nickelback songs, remember? Well, this is an extra post so no Nickelback for now.

The thing is I’m not okay today. I was watching the last episode of Everwood, the series finale (I hadn’t had time to watch it yet), and it was cute and sad... as always.
But the reason why I’m not okay is not Everwood. I do love TV Shows, but I think Gilmore Girls is the only one that’s gonna get me really sad when it ends because it made my life better. It may sound stupid but I’m serious, it affects me, big time.

Anyway, Everwood gets me emotional every time I watch it. So the reason why I suddenly felt bad is that there was this whole amount of things bothering me but I just didn’t wanna admit that there was something bothering me. And I can do it, I can pretend everything’s okay all the time, and I can even convince myself that it is. And even though I know I’m just pretending I also “know” it’s all good. I’m just weird.

I’ve realized something that I didn’t want to realize even though I had realized it already. Does it make any sense? It’s about some choices I’ve made and the things I feel for someone. These two things aren’t connected, I didn’t make any choice regarding that someone. In fact, I did nothing about it. Maybe that’s the problem, I don’t know.

I don’t really talk much about myself and the things I feel. But today I just felt this need to let people know that the girl who’s always happy and smiling isn’t really me. I do have bad days. Many bad days, as everyone, but people are used to seeing me happy because that’s what I show them. It’s not anyone’s fault, I never let people see through me. Well, okay, I have done that a few times and it felt great but I don’t feel safe knowing that someone knows me. You must be thinking, “Wow, this girl has some problem”, and yeah, whatever, I do.

And I have to post it right now because if I read it again I know I’ll change my mind and delete it all so... do first, think later.
This was a stupid post but I just had to write it.

The title? That’s from Veronica Mars. I love VM with all my strength, I really do. You haven’t watched it yet? Poor you...

Saturday, June 17, 2006


Maybe it's the fact that from this day on, for the next 365 days, I'll be caring the weight of 17 years on my shoulders (weird way of saying it's my birthday ¬¬) but the thing is, I've started thinking about being old. Absurd, I know. Anyway, I realized that there are tons of things (stupid things, of course, since I'm about to post them here) that I wanna do before it's too late. Most of them are really stupid, not just stupid, but I mean them all. Specially the last one. So... here we go.

>>> Things I wanna do before I die (¬¬)

- Go to Canada to meet Chantal Kreviazuk and tell her she's my hero (top of the list)
- Watch the film The way we were
- Leave my footstep on a recently-made sidewalk (I've had one opportunity to do this but I somehow felt bad about the idea of destroying someone's work. Damn conscience.)
- Listen to How you remind me and Someday, both by Nickelback, at the same time (I swear I'll explain next post)
- Buy every season of Gilmore Girls on DVD (I got the first one todaay \o/)
- Buy a green car
- Buy a big red coat
- Earn money to buy those DVD boxes, the green car and the red coat ¬¬
- Meet Agatha Christie (I know, she died in 1976 so it's impossible to meet her. So if this is on my list it means that I can't die. Or... that I have to)
- Have an I love Gilmore Girls T-shirt
- Dive using diving equipment
- Buy a Golden-retriever because those dogs are sooo beautiful
- Meet a male dolphin, become his best friend and in tears, on a very dramatic ocasion tell him that he is and always will be my best friend. I won't really mean it but it's ok, he'll never know. It's a dauphin. (Ow, come on, I'm not even asking for a whale named Willy! Why is it that I never get to have these amazing friendships with animals?)

As you can see I have many important goals in life.
No 'have a kid, plant a tree, write a book', huh? Well, I love kids, and I have planted a tree already. It died but who cares? About the book... Does it have to be actually good or can it just, you know, be a book?

Ok, about the title.
I really wanted some episode title involving lists, or some interesting title about birthdays, not just something like Character's Birthday but obviously I didn't find it.
So I chose that one because every Tv show has a pilot, and this is the beginning of a new year for me, so... not very creative but it works for me.

Tuesday, May 30, 2006


Why on earth does every character of Invasion go swimming on that damn lake? They all know that the whole problem is inside the lake, in the water, and there's always someone yelling "Stay out of the water!" but do they stay out of the water? No, they go swimming. At very weird hours of the day, I might add. Swimming in an infected lake at night doesn't seem like the brightest idea and really, it isn't! It's like walking in the woods at night if you're in a horror movie: first, is a total cliche. Second, it's pointless. Third, there won't be any good consequences for it.

I don't watch Invasion, I don't have patience for it. If you do, good for you, I guess. But I always watch the commercials, so I kinda know what I'm talking about. Everytime I see something related to this Tv show there's someone swimming or some scene that makes me say ew. And also, there's the fact that I always end up seeing that cute guy from Third Watch and I miss Third Watch and remembering Third Watch makes me think of a Tv show getting to the end and it brings Alias up to my mind and then I remember that Everwood is out and that I'll never watch another fresh episode of Joan of Arcadia and that Gilmore Girls is coming to its end and that I'll never know who the hell killed Samantha on Reunion, which reminds me of how the stupid guy from brazilian Warner insists on saying Gina instead of Jenna so I get depressed and angry. Yes, my mind works on a very weird rhythm, I'm still trying to understand it.

Anyway, what was I talking about? Uh, right. Invasion. Besides the water and the ew-scenes there are the car accidents on the rainy days and also those orange dots going up to the sky. What the hell are those? I thought the earth was being taken by some kind of alien force so what's with the damn dots going up?

Well, who am I to criticize some Tv Show just for being full of cliches and weird people doing weird stuff while they're trying to save the world from some non-human thing? I did watch almost five years of Smallville after all...

Title from Invasion, obviously. It doesn't have much to do with what I wrote but it involves the word water, so whatever.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Help wanted

This time I've decided to write useless things about rules and exceptions. I'm just afraid I'll go waaay too far with it and even I'm gonna get bored ¬¬ I'm serious, I have theories about rules and exceptions and I really can talk about it for a long time, as always when it involves some stupid subject that's not gonna add a thing to my life. But if I start talking about something important such as, I don't know, global warmth, all I'm gonna say is, "Ow, the Earth is heating up, that's a problem" and I'll no longer be interested. Oh God, I'm already going on and on about nothing. What a waste of words ¬¬

"Every rule has an exception" (or "the exception makes the rule"). Does anyone doubt that? Well, I don't dare having doubts about it. However, I'm curious about something and it's killing me: what is the exception of this rule that says that every rule has an exception? I mean, if the exception makes the rule, then saying that 'every rule has an exception' isn't really a rule, unless there is a rule that doesn't have an exception to make that every-rule-has-an-exception thing a rule. Are you sticking with me here? I hope so, cuz I got lost a few 'rules and exceptions' ago.

Anyway, the point here is, if we all agree that one rule doesn't have an exception, here's what's been torturing me: which one is this damn rule? Of course, the main rule ('every rule has an exception') could be the one, meaning that the only rule that doesn't have an exception is the one that says that every rule has one, therefore all the other rules have at least one exception.

But you know what? I don't think that's the one because it would be way too easy and I know things are never easy. Wait. Is that a rule? I mean, 'things are never easy', is it a rule? Does it have an exception? Oh God, I'm going crazy with it. Help wanted.

Gilmore Girls episode title.
Yes, this one I watch. I love Gilmore Girls, this tv show defines me. No, I'm not kidding.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Sleeping arrangements

I'm out of ideas of what to write so I'll just let you know what a great trip I had, cause abandoning the blog this soon would be just stupid ¬¬

Well, I was coming home for the weekend and you never know who's gonna be sitting beside you on the bus. It was a woman, a very weird woman. First, the drink. I don't know what she was drinking before the trip began but I can tell what it wasn't. It wasn't water, nor milk, nor juice, nor soda. You can imagine.

Then the napping thing began. The woman started to scare me. Seriously, she was sitting but her head was down and turning around. That was really freaky.

Then the worst part: the sleeping-sound deal. She started snoring, it was a very scary noise. Really, frightening, not nice to hear. At all. But as if that wasn't enough, there was more. There I was, trying to focus on whatever just to ignore the noise and suddenly I feel it: a head on my shoulder! Oh, no, that was too much! Then I kindly tried to throw the head of the woman to the other side with my shoulder but unfortunately it wasn't possible. First because I would never be able to throw someone's head to the other side kindly. Second, because the woman was sleeping really hard.

What was I gonna do? I moved my shoulder and then she fell behind my back so that I couldn't lay down without smashing her head. And this is a mental picture that I really didn't need =P

Then happiness! She seemed to have woken up and lifted her head. But you know what they say about poor people's happiness...

Before I could think of going back to laying down she put her head exactly where it was. Oh God. But here's the good news: it took her only a few minutes to turn to the other side and I was able to take my space again. And never leave it again =P

Title from Dawson's Creek. I don't watch DC either because I hate Dawson with all my heart.

Monday, May 15, 2006

So it beggins

Okay, I've finally decided to join CIP (crazy internet people) (as if I weren't one before) and create a blog. Yes, I post in English, and no, I won't post anything in Portuguese, even if I'm extremely mad at English for some stupid reason.

I'm still trying to figure out exactly what I'm gonna write here cause I don't really feel comfortable knowing that people can read what I write but considering the fact that I'm a journalism student, I better start getting used to it.

Anyway, I like to watch stuff, situations and people and try to make sense out of some absurd things that nobody realizes so basically this is what I'm gonna do in here. Hopefully no one is gonna read it! But if someone eventually does, it would be cool too, I think. I hope.

Well, I'm not gonna say more for now cause I'm on a damn cyber and it's gonna close in a few minutes. I want my computer baaack!